Waiting in Denial


Tuesday was the day I began my trip.

I was on the road to healing but found myself side-tracked in Denial. Tuesday was the start of my competition with pneumonia. I wasn’t diagnosed until Friday but I know this visitor was there earlier in the week. Pneumonia is only a cul-de-sac in the Town of Denial.

I don’t like to wait. I’m busy all the time. Mostly this is by design. I’m sure it’s related to my fear of sitting still for too long. Denial enjoys this mindset.

There is much to learn when we wait if we are only willing to open our minds to the possibilities.

I’ve been in self-imposed running exile since Tuesday hoping my illness was nothing more than a freak reoccurrence of the flu.

I love to run. It is my therapy. As a full-time therapist I recognize the need to take care of myself; emotionally as well as physically. Despite this knowledge and my education, I am no different from anyone else. I don’t follow my own directions.

On the trip back to Reality I often make a brief pit stop in the Town of Denial. It’s on the GPS. I know this. I know I can continue driving by without stopping. No guilt. No excuses, just keep driving. Sometimes the brief sidetrack finds me looking for a home in Denial. The prices my be initially inexpensive but the long-term costs can be large.

I think about my frustration of not being able to run or to exercise and at the same time I remind myself I need to get out of Denial. My mind begins to drift and I think of individuals far worse off than myself. As my thinking begins to clear, so does my vision and the signs pointing me in the direction toward Reality become more clear.

It’s Saturday. I cancelled my volunteer photography at the annual Make-A-Wish Gala. This decision was difficult. As I grow older and finding myself on my personal life path becomes easier, decisions such as these also become easier. My decision to stop running was not an easy one but that too has become easier. The long-term consequences of being ill or injured for an even lengthier period of time is one which does not appeal to me in the least.

Antibiotics are beginning to help. Coughing has decreased and my chest no longer hurts with the pain of one who has been involved in an all out brawl. I know I am not ready to return. My body still says “No” and my head, surprisingly also says “No.”

Acceptance is the next stop as I travel the road back to Reality. When I see the sign welcoming me to Acceptance I know emotional and physical healing have begun and the road from this point usually well-marked and easy to travel.



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